Graham Norton Eurovision 2016

30 Hilarious Lines From Graham Norton To Get You In The Mood For Eurovision 2016

“Oh it’s Sideshow Bob. Good of him to show up.”

By Shannon Wilson, 12 May 2016
30 Hilarious Lines From Graham Norton To Get You In The Mood For Eurovision 2016

Get your microphones at the ready because it’s that time of the year again – the Eurovision song contest 2016 finals are airing this Saturday. And while we love seeing the parade of great (and not so great) contestants, the real reason we tune in is for the fabulous commentary provided by Graham Norton. Delighting us since he took over from Terry Wogan in 2010, Graham’s flamboyant, sassy and not-afraid-to-go-there whit never fails to tickle our funny bones, transforming Eurovision from potential boorish-nightmare to hilarious masterpiece with his razor-sharp tongue.

In honour of all things Graham and in order to prepare for Eurovision 2016 we’ve rounded up our top 30 Graham Norton quotes of all time. Put on your sassy-hats and enjoy: 

1. “Here’s Cezar, proving that just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should.” 

Graham introducing Romania in 2013.


2.“That was song eight. That song wasn’t longer than the other songs. It just felt longer.” 

After Serbia performed in 2010.


3. “The band’s trademark is the headphones they’re wearing. Not sure what they’re listening to, but it’s hopefully not this.”

When Slovenia performed in 2015.

4. “Who knew Trump was a style icon in Moldova?”

Referring to the contestant's hair during Moldova's performance in 2013.

5. “This is actually quite a good song but you may not notice, because you’ll be distracted by the… well let’s call them dancers. At points you might think they’ve had a bad oyster, but truly it’s choreographed.”

Before Azerbaijan performed in 2015.


6. “Don’t patronise me Nikolaj. I’m 51 not dead!”

When a presenter at the 2014 contest tried to explain hashtags to the voting public.


7. “Ohhhhhhhhh! That was worse than I remembered. I would have warned you but in dress rehearsals it wasn’t that terrible.”

When Armenia finished performing in 2015.

8. “Her outfit does involve some road kill. I fear some Georgian crows were harmed in the making of this act.”

On Nina's crow-like feathers during the 2015 contest.


9.“Maybe I’ll never hear this song again and die happy.”

Scathing remarks when San Marino finished performing in 2014.


10. “On stage with her is popular sand artist… the winner of Ukraine’s Got Talent. This certainly begs the question, what came second?”

Referring to Ukraine's performance in 2011.

11. “This will put fear into your heart – she’s a devoted experimental jazz musician. She can do extraordinary things with her voice, not pleasant things, but extraordinary. If you’ve got dogs or small children in the room, you might want to put them out of earshot.”

On Albania's Rona Nishliu in 2012.


12. “Oh yes. There’s the Eiffel Tower, I keep forgetting it is there. Every year they remind me.”

When France gave their scores in front of the Eiffel Tower in 2014.


13. “Oh thank you, it’s so fun! It’s like the gay wedding I’ll never have... It’s gone in my wine!” 

Graham reacts to Eurovision presenters showering him with confetti in his commentary booth in 2014. He genuinely looks surprised when he realises that he is on the screen.

14. “We just hope the fire alarms don’t go off, because as you’ll just see, the curling tongs back stage has been working overtime.”

Introducing Hungary’s performance in 2011.

15. “This is a mysterious song. In this song he says he did something wrong in his childhood. We don't know what it was, but it might have been writing this song.”

On Norway's song 'A Monster Like Me', performed by Mørland & Debrah Scarlett in 2015.


16. “Oh it’s Sideshow Bob. Good of him to show up.”

Referring to the appearance of the man who gave the points for Hungary in 2013.


17. “Good news for the Irish economy. I can reveal they have discovered oil there! Sadly it’s baby oil and further bad news, they’ve used all of it on their dancers.”

On Ireland's backing dancers in 2013.


18. “It’s obviously dress-down Saturday in Denmark.”

On the Danish points-scorer’s casual attire in 2015.


19. “Oh my goodness. It’s like a bit of corrugated shed has been blown off a roof and has hit her in her neck.”

On Germany's score giver in 2015.

20. “If you’ve just joined us and thought, ‘Ooh, Denise van Outen’s let herself go’, no, that’s Cascada representing Germany” 

On Cascada during her performance in 2013.


21. "The song is called “N'oubliez pas”, which means, “don’t forget”. Sadly, I think, we will."

On France's memorable entry in 2015.


22. “‘We are Slavic girls, we know how to use our charming beauty, now shake what your mama gave you.’ It’s essentially a feminist anthem.”

Graham gives his verdict on Poland’s raunchy Donatan & Cleo in 2014.

23. “Well, that wasn’t embarrassing at all, well done...”

Graham reacts to the Finnish results reader’s surprise rap in 2014.

24. “Now I’m not mocking his trousers. I used to own a pair rather similar. But I threw mine away.”

On the fashion choice of the Romanian entry in 2011.


25.“I think he’s delighted that is over. So are we.”

Said when Norway finished performing in 2014.


26. “It’s an unusual Eurovision this year in that there’s a lot of songs that are really quite good and brilliantly sung. The next song is not one of those.” 

Introducing Russia's entry in 2012.

27. "If that didn't put a smile on your face you are dead inside.”

Referring to Israel's strange performance in 2015.


28. “It’s not that interesting though, is it?”

Replying to the Eurovision host who said: “It’s really interesting to see people’s emotions when they win,” in 2015.


29. “And if you think, ‘Oh I quite like that grand piano’, I imagine you can find it in a skip outside the stadium at about half twelve.”

On the strange circle shaped piano stage prop used during Romania's performance in 2014.


30. “Who thought we would ever hear those words?” 

On the hosts saying ‘Goodnight Europe’.


The Eurovision Finals 2016 will air on BBC One this Saturday 14th May at 8pm. Make it a party by stocking up on snacks such as crisps and sweets, drinks and party food at your local Asda.